please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
