My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
