is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
