Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
