She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
nutella sex= disaster
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
