Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What a dumb baby whore.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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