the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
