my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
