i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
