my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
