But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
