well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
