is your mom at the bar?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
