Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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