help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fuck appropriateness.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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