Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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