Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
