My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
