Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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