Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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