We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
