So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
