So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
vagina is talking i cant
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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