if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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