By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
