I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish my penis had a tongue
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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