Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
smell my finger.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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