Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
