If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
