dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
