talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
