he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
