these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
