Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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