Porn is love you can see.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
