First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
