pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
