no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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