im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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