At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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