ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
