She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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