my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
