Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
