So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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