o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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