Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
