just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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