Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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