Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize