He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
