He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
