Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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