I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
