I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
