my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
