She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
