I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There r osticjed everywhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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