when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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