Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
