he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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