he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
