peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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