alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
