I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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