dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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