Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
