Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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