Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
