I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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